2010 Predictions

As the current year comes to a close, it is time to cast our inner eye forward into the future. And who better to make predictions for next year than Major Thunder a cosmonaut with a unique perspective—from 23 million light years away, all our problems seem small and quite frankly invisible. He has agreed to look in his alien crystal ball and tell us what he sees.

Major Thunder’s 2010 Predictions:
-2010 should be the year that the 2012 hysteria is diffused by rational evaluations of previous end of the world fears. But it won’t be.
-Next year some celebrity you have never heard of, on a reality TV show you have never watched, will do something 35% of your friends and neighbors have done, and it will be a Huge Scandal that takes up 3 weeks of 24-hour news cycles.
-A plastic gizmo will be invented that automates a task you never do manually, but it will be the must-have technology of 2010 and you will preorder it from an online retailer for 50% more than your lazy friends will pay for the item when it finally hits store shelves and fails to live up to expectations.
-Repair costs to fix your commuter vehicle will feel like a personal punishment from divine forces, and you will be astounded by the expense, even though you paid twice that much last year and the year before that for repairs you failed to anticipate then as well. But you have to go to work, damn it, so you will pay it, even though the mechanic is a highway robber.
-Political pundits will be replaced on cable television with an iPhone app that responds to any question with a huge database of phrases culled from Zen, Taoist, and Confucius sayings. “So Dan, how do you think the latest scandal will affect the Senator in the next election?” “Show me the sound of one hand clapping, Chris.” “Are you telling me, Dan, that this stuff won’t stick to the Senator?” “When one can do nothing, Chris, what can one do?”
-Some pop star will keep coming down, coming down like a monkey. But it’s alright. Cos tonight, tonight, tonight, oh oh, gonna make it right tonight, tonight, oh oh.
-Your coworkers will be completely bored by your yearly recital of how huge your latest unexpected repair bill was for your commuter vehicle, which is always breaking. But you paid it, so at least you are at work to bore your coworkers.
-You will look back fondly on 2009 as the year a cosmonaut wished you Happy Holidays!