The Trials of Horacio Bacon

There were just some things
With which Horacio Bacon
Would not put up
One of which
As a matter of principle
Was the condescending look
On the face of that youngster
Lieutenant Hughes Grant
Recently transferred
From some colonial outpost
Where it could not be expected
That manners and decorum
Would be transmitted
With the requisite vigor
And sacred solemnity
With which it had always been
Applied to the knuckles
And bared backsides
Of deserving young men
Fortunate enough to find themselves
Being raised within the warm embrace
Of institutions of learning
Where discipline is the paramount
Duty and responsibility
Of all members of the august faculty
Within those hallowed halls
Deep within the brave heart
Of proper industry and culture
Which is and always will be
The blessed empire
Long may she persevere
In a world increasingly afflicted
By backwater ignorance
And lazy no good insolence
Like that projected
By the smug countenance
Of Lieutenant Hughes Grant
Upon the undeserving
But decidedly superior
Brow of Horace Bacon
Of whom it must be said
By those who chronicle such things
In these degenerate times
Bore it without complaint
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