Monday, June 18, 2007

You light up my life

The Yes Men have struck again. Pretending to be representatives of Exxon-Mobile and the National Petroleum Council, members of the Yes Men were invited to be the keynote speakers at the GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference held in Calgary, Alberta on June 14th.

This is from the Yes Men’s press release:
In the actual speech, the "NPC rep" announced that current U.S. and Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta's oil sands, and the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could "keep fuel flowing" by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.
"We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant," said "NPC rep" "Shepard Wolff" (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.
"Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production," noted "Exxon rep" "Florian Osenberg" (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). "With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."
The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit "commemorative candles" supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an "Exxon janitor" who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

Security Guards took the Yes Men away and were charged with trespassing. No actual janitors were harmed during this prank. But the World Health Organization believes that real climate change caused by burning real fossil fuels will cause 150,000 extra deaths and 5 million extra illnesses each year for the foreseeable future and that those numbers could double by 2030. No oil company profits were harmed by the W.H.O.s scientific data.

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