Friday, December 28, 2007

White Elephant Gifts

Christmas with all its social activity has come and gone.
But those 12 extra days continue.
To everyone who came to our party, Thanks and we hope you had a good time. We did!
To everyone who missed our party, Thanks and we hope you had a good time.
Who ever you are and where ever you spent the holidays, I hope you had a good time.
Because if we don't have a good time the Sun will not want to come back and party with us next spring and summer.
Peace and Love to all.
See you all after the New Year.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Mixed Messages

My brother, Ronnie, sent me a Christmas card.
The card was interesting, but the envelope was lumpy.
Inside was this unexpected gift: a Squeezit Multi Purpose Tube Squeezer.
I'm not sure how to interpret this gift.
My Brother Loves me; he sent me a gift.
That much is obvious. But what else was he thinking?
He wants me to squeeze my tube more efficiently?
He is afraid I haven't been getting "every last drop"?
"With today's tough economy", he thought, "can Jay really afford to waste toothpaste, lotion or that expensive medicated ointment?"
He thought the Squeezit was made by the people who made "A Kitchen Island"?
But this is not my story.

Thanks Bro, your Chia Pet is in the mail (not really).

Happy Holidays Everyone.
Extraiga Hasta La Ultima Gota.
And hang on to your main squeeze.
I'm not letting go of mine, cause she's sweet.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Roadside Advice

Our local Seventh Day Adventist Church

offered us the following advice:

To be fair, the next screen said "Your pride"
But we were a little surprised that a church was offering advice in this area.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Reading: Terry Pratchett

I just finished reading one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels last night, Small Gods. It has been out for years, and it is one of the many (35+) Discworld novels he has written. I have only read 15 or so, but they are all hilarious, irreverent and wise stories. This one was no exception.

Sadly this morning I learned that Terry has Alzheimer's. He is only 59 and probably the leading humorist of our generation. No body else has been as prolific and as consistently funny.

I usually find best selling books to be disappointing. But Terry is one of those exceptions to the rule. One of my favorites was the book Good Omens, which he co wrote with Neil Gaiman. I wish him only the best. If you are one of the 15 people in the world who have not read a Terry Pratchett book, get thee to a book store post haste!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

One Wing Counting

Word up
In the air
Sings a lonely song
But the birds were anarchists
Ignoring what is required for success
While I am stuck on the ground
Walking through dark shadows like sticky mud puddles
Chaotic avian chorus rippling the surface recently trod upon
What does it mean, this migration of foot and wing?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Proving your love to your family by buying lots of X-mas gifts is just the marketing spin.
The real message is that you need to buy lots of stuff (X-mas is just the seasonal excuse) to fulfill your role in society as a consumer.
Obey Santa, Comrade Consumer.
Go Shopping!*

*Unless you would like to try and play some other role in society...

Ironic Ad

If the Vice President were a typical working American, his health problems, compounded by the obstructions imposed by most insurance companies, probably would have killed him by now. I'm sure he had a preexisting condition.
And I still think universal single-payer health care is a good idea because everybody deserves access to health care, even the Dicks.
Click on the picture to see a larger version.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Western Washington Floods

I'm sure most people heard about the flooding in Washington last week. Just in case I haven't talked to you personally (and many friends and family called to make sure we were okay) The Lazy Jay Ranch (my house) was untouched by the floods. My place of business was untouched as well. Evelyn had to delay visiting some properties, but that was just inconvenient not real trouble. We were very, very lucky. But many people who live south of Seattle were not so lucky. They say it was the second rainiest day in Washington ever--over 5 inches of water in one day. And it fell on top of recent snow, so it was a double punch. Interstate 5 between Olympia and Portland was closed all week. (That is I-5 in the top picture.) Lots of people are experiencing Katrina Northwest style right now. And many of them had just rebuilt after last year's floods.

So thanks for checking in to see if we were okay. We are. But it has been hard on our neighbors. And we feel pretty lucky here in Arlington.
"Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move. "
-- Led Zeppelin (1971) & Memphis Minnie (1929)

Bones of a Bull Market

Robot has hidden his aspect
Deep in the gears of the
Wall Street Establishment
Buy, Buy, Sell, Sell
His anodized metal wheels
The ones with the cool spinners
Grind the street children
Into the grimy gutters
But look at that bottom line!
He cries out with false cheer
As he flashes stock prices on his
Web Linked L. E. D.s
Ticker tape is so 20th Century
In this global E-con-o-my

But I can’t help but think
Despite the busty wiggle of the
Untouchable marketing babes
That the Market’s bottom line
Does not account for things
That hold real value
For real people
Like Empathy: Market Value $0.00
Compassion: Market Value $0.00
Companionship: Market Value $0.00
Mutual Understanding: Market Value $0.00
Peace: Market Value $0.00
But the market can give you a great price
On a variety of valuable Mutual Funds
Invested in “Defense” Industries
(that means war, wink, wink,)
If you are willing to trade your
And your generally bomb and bullet free environment
To the Capitalists that own the Market
They set the terms and the prices
All you contribute is the labor and the commodities
Then you buy what you need back from the Market
Minus a nominal service fee…
It’s all in the con-tract

Sorry Robot, my valuables are worth more
Than can be accounted for in your system
I’d rather be the Rabbit that escaped from
Daddy War Buck’s Top Hat
Than a vulture picking over the
Bones of a Bull Market
Words and Collage by Jay Larsen
All you supply is the INTEREST.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Hands Up

Hands Up
What is your angle?
I can’t get a good read.
I’m sure I could figure you out
By degrees
If not by the numbers.
I Give Up
You don't have to draw me a map.
I'm sure I get the picture
In outline
If not in detail.
Hands up
Have we come full circle?
I can’t get my bearings.
I’m sure you could take me out
By inches
I’m not in prime shape.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Unheard Music, Red Shoes

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Let's dance for fear your grace should fall

Let's dance for fear tonight is all

Let's sway you could look into my eyes

Let's sway under the moonlight,

this serious moonlight"

-- David Bowie

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Ontological Arguments

How many ontological arguments
Does it take to tie a bell on Schrodinger’s cat?
Aziraphale has lost his sword
But he is willing to take dancing lessons.
You are a dead ringer for the unobservable feline
Irreversibly keeping time with seraphic grace
All the while avoiding a collapse into objectivity.
Twenty-Three or Forty-Two?
Your stitch makes time for thee and ewe
But I won’t pull wool over your eye
Or your camel’s.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Google Travel Diary: Fortunate Congruence

The survival value of this procedure lay in the fortunate congruence of pleasurable activity and activity needful to the organism…
We are in a period of prosperity courtesy of a fortunate congruence of Japan flushing the world with cheap money, China putting pressure on commodity prices and Australia's full adoption of economic rationalism.
By fortunate congruence, Facilities Management has embarked upon developing a Campus Master Plan that demands a joining of the academic requirements to the physical construct.
The last time we had this fortunate congruence was five years ago, when we again held the summer party on my birthday.
For the time being there is a fortunate congruence between management policy and a broad ethical principle that recognises the autonomy of employees.
Extra bonus activity: Look up the term ‘congruence’ and write your own definition and give an example from personal experience as a posting in your blog, be ready to discuss this term next class.
Typing "fortunate congruence" into Google by Jay Larsen
Resulting list of links by Google
Individual lines of text by their respective authors (see links for details)
Collage, "Near Death Experience with Bugle" by Jay Larsen
American Civil War brought to you by the North and South
Fortunate congruence of text and pictures by Unconscious and Conscious Forces Acting within the Universe Focused Momentarily in the Vicinity of Me

Monday, December 03, 2007

December is Obscure Poetry Month

Make of it what you will
If you are on the take
I know I will

No one understands my work
Including me