Wednesday, November 14, 2007

A Kitchen Island

I am tempted to let the above advertisement speak for itself.
But I am afraid that it cannot.
It looks harmless enough at first glance.
I found it in the back of the Smithsonian Magazine.
I was drinking coffee.
Which is not my story, but is of an advertisement of an island in the kitchen.
But the more I read the advertisement the more confused I became.
Was the writer just incompetent?
Was it poorly translated from another language, Martian for instance?
Was it a secret coded message?
How are you supposed to order one? There is only a PO Box number.
And the city name is misspelled “Woostock, IL”.
I checked, there is a Woodstock, IL in the 60098 zip code, but no Woostock.
Maybe it is some kind of performance art or parody?
When I was a kid Mad and National Lampoon used to have fake advertisements. I remember one fake ad specifically, “Enlarge the most manly part of your anatomy with this gravity powered device…”
Which is not my story, but is of an advertisement of an island in the kitchen.
Please read the ad. Click on the picture to see a larger version.
I invite you to relish the use of “etc.” in the very first sentence.
Marvel at the “penurious necessity” of this device.
Gasp in awe as the great Julia Child demonstrates “a method of grinding.”
No longer must you wonder where to put your “elongated cooking equipment.”
And best of all, “The height is high (40”), limiting the need to bending over or stooping.”
If only I could have this advertisement engraved in “granite, marble, limestone, stainless concrete, stainless steel, pine planks, or soapstone, etc., the weight of the top is essential.”


Jay Larsen said...

Kitchen Island Update:
Smithsonian wants $47,750 for an ad of that size.
So this is beginning to look like an inside job. Who would pay $47,750 to post a vague joke ad?

Anonymous said...

This is what it takes to bring me out of lurking ad for a kitchen island and some well written prose.

The last few blog posts have made me think, "I have to reply" because they were so dang entertaining, but the kitchen island pushes me to the surface, not unlike a pustule or pimple receiving pressure from below.

I think it's a joke --- or non performance performance art. The drawer is all beat up along the top. They say that the wire rack is by Rubbermaid (which don't think for a minute didn't get me fantasizing...rubber maid ...I'm seeing a french maid in a rubber outfit...oooo la la) the top is from Williams Sonoma, and the legs and wheels are obviously some type of TV cart. I think someone made this handy island and someone else, like a Jay for example, looked at it and saw the cryptic beauty of it, and just HAD to comment. It's probably in his parents house and everytime he comes home for the holidays he has to stare at it. And he offered to have a real kitchen island built or he bought a freestanding butcher block but his parents like this one. And refuse to let go of it. So he is memorializing it.

I enjoyed the copy. and your commentary. Now I'm exposed.