A Kitchen Island

I am tempted to let the above advertisement speak for itself.
But I am afraid that it cannot.
It looks harmless enough at first glance.
I found it in the back of the Smithsonian Magazine.
I was drinking coffee.
Which is not my story, but is of an advertisement of an island in the kitchen.
But the more I read the advertisement the more confused I became.
Was the writer just incompetent?
Was it poorly translated from another language, Martian for instance?
Was it a secret coded message?
How are you supposed to order one? There is only a PO Box number.
And the city name is misspelled “Woostock, IL”.
I checked, there is a Woodstock, IL in the 60098 zip code, but no Woostock.
Maybe it is some kind of performance art or parody?
When I was a kid Mad and National Lampoon used to have fake advertisements. I remember one fake ad specifically, “Enlarge the most manly part of your anatomy with this gravity powered device…”
Which is not my story, but is of an advertisement of an island in the kitchen.
Please read the ad. Click on the picture to see a larger version.
I invite you to relish the use of “etc.” in the very first sentence.
Marvel at the “penurious necessity” of this device.
Gasp in awe as the great Julia Child demonstrates “a method of grinding.”
No longer must you wonder where to put your “elongated cooking equipment.”
And best of all, “The height is high (40”), limiting the need to bending over or stooping.”
If only I could have this advertisement engraved in “granite, marble, limestone, stainless concrete, stainless steel, pine planks, or soapstone, etc., the weight of the top is essential.”