Friday, July 13, 2007

Cry Havoc and Release the Badgers of War

OK, this post is just silly.

The BBC is reporting that:
British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra.
Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic…
The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.
UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: “We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.”

Yet local housewife Suad Hassan claims to have seen the beasts, saying “It is the size of a dog but his head is like a monkey.”

Which raises the question: Where has Vice President Dick Cheney been lately?

Cheney has always been a bit ferocious. And I know for a fact that badgers have very thick skin and they have the amazing ability to turn completely around within their own skin, reversing their position so as to attack creatures who thought they had just grabbed a hold of the beast. And I know Cheney is famous for turning and counter attacking any foe who thinks he has found a point of weakness in his thick-skinned defense.

So could the fearsome beast who has been prowling the halls of Washington DC and other undisclosed locations, be the same beast that is terrorizing the citizens of Basra? Could Ferocious Dick be the fabled Animal Human Hybrid the President tried to warn us about in his State of the Union Speech in 2006? Could these animals be cloned versions of Cheney that are being secretly deployed as part of the Surge? Tired of slow progress and hungry for the promised candy and flowers Cheney expected to receive freely from the grateful Iraqi population, has the Vice President hybridized himself with compatible animal DNA to create an army of super soldiers? Will the Badger Soldiers be supplied with armored versions of Mr. Toad’s road car? What kind of Wild Ride is Mr. Cheney taking us on? Are hybrid rat and mole soldiers next? Or is this all just Wind in the Willows? Will the British as well as the Pentagon categorically deny these charges as well? Is this just a shameless plug for the Thunder Echo song, Cry Havoc?

Tune in next week, same batty time, same batty blog to find out.
Credits: News story by the BBC.
News Photo of Dick Cheney, otherwise known as Mr. Lovable by his hunting buddies.
Badger/Cheney Hybrid Illustration constructed by TEE Biolabs of Arlington based on eyewitness testimony from Basra.
Clearly frightened and hysterical citizens of Basra courtesy of the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq, which is brought to the world courtesy of Vice President Dick Cheney and his Neoconservative buddies (who like to call Dick Mr. Deep Pockets for some reason).
Sarcasm and childish humor supplied by Me, Jay Larsen.
Morbid curiosity sufficient to have read this entire blog entry to this point, entirely your fault.
Love Ya.

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